It's been a fairly good week on the job front. Managed to get two writing jobs, which should add another grand to the war chest and am now waiting to collect from last weeks job. Also looks like I've managed to revive some of my bigger jobs - namely GE Commercial Finance.
Must have been really restless. Decided to type names on the friend finder section of Facebook and who did I choose to type but Carra Teo's name. Actually got to see her name and more importantly her picture. She's just as beautiful as I remember her to be. Older, quite a bit older but like good wine, this is a woman who gets better with age. I think this is the only woman in my life whom I considered it a fantasy to be married and loyal too - and you're talking to a guy who thinks that men have an obligation to not remain the exclusive property of anybody.
But I guess that was a long time ago. I was an up and coming Citibank intern who had big dreams of being somebody in the career ladder space. Instead, I'm slowly but surely degenerating into huslter bohemian land and the only girls I ever seem to want to meet are ultimately bad for me. I think there's something glamorous about being one of those seedy artistic types that smokes and drinks too much and is struggling to make ends meet while there's a rough girl or two in the background to add spice to life.
I'm at an interesting stage in life where I really don't want permenancy, particularly in relationships with the oppostite sex. Seriously, what can a monogomous relationship offer you other than suffocation? I mean, in the job market, people who got used to working to one organisation for life have been on the 'kicked' end of the rough boot. So what makes you think that being with 'one' person for the rest of your life is any healthier in today's world. I could never understand the desire for exclusivity in anything.
I remember sending a married lady a slightly romantic sms. She was offended, and suspected I had intentions of taking her away from her husband. Heck, she was wrong - I was only interested in many nights of passionate sex. I was even willing to take the heart break of being in love but I was no means interested in marriage. I was actually quite insulted by the suggestion that I wanted her to leave her husband for me....I wanted the pain of a passionate love affair and hot steamy sex but why the hell would any man in his right mind want obligations that bore.
Carra was and til this day remains the one woman in my life who could make me feel the want to settle down into the mediocrity of marriage. Two-years of marriage to Gina proved that I was right - exclusivity is for people who are not good enough to take competition. I guess there have been a few. I enjoyed being somewhat able to do 'romantic' things for Angela, a girl from China who in her efforts to dress down still looked better than an army of tarted up Singapore girls. But when she said she wasn't interested - well, it was a little insulting to the ego but I'm fine. With Han Li, the best thing was and remains Thui.........
I don't know what it was about Carra. I guess being 24 rather than 34 for helped. Youth is wonderful for idealism but what else is there. I've been sending her birthday wishes for the last eight years. She never replies, but that's OK. It's important that I remember her on her birthday...I probably will til the day I drop dead. I think, other than looking at her picture on facebook, why dig up the useless desires she inspired in me? It was good when it was there but it's not any more.