Saturday, February 14, 2009

Welcome to Caucasia - A Land that Will Make You Rich - But First Gimme Your Money

Singapore is a small island and it's pretty easy to get familiar with the island. However, there is a part of Singapore that many Singaporeans are unaware of. The economy of this part of Singapore is dependent on Asian money, yet many Asians remain blissfully unaware of the existence of this place. What is this place? 

This place is called Caucasia and it's been around since the days of Raffles and the East India Company. Caucasia is what you could call the first "virtual" country in history. It's citizens live in various parts of Singapore and the rest of Asia. It is, I believe, the only nation bound together by human characteristics rather than a shared culture or a shared experience. 

The citizens of Caucasia inevitably look like your average Caucasian. Many hold dual nationalities - many are US citizens but there are a few Australians and British citizens amongst them. The citizens have worked in a variety of industries and by and large they are fabulous story tellers.

However, all of them have one trait in common. Every citizen of Caucasia is armed with a brilliant business idea that will make you very rich. As long as you sit down with a citizen of this fair land, you will be presented with an opportunity to get rich in a groud breaking idea. One of these citizens is so well versed in the internet that he goes around Singapore proclaimining - "DOT COM is passe, mate - it's all going to be DOT TVEE," (Of which he's going to be the world's dominant player). 

These business opportunities are fantastic sounding. On paper, they have a certain logic to them and you're told that the revenue is about to pour in. The half a million dollar contract is on the verge of being signed or there are three guys about to pass me forty to fifty thousand dollars in revenue when I ask them.

There's only one snag to these brilliant businesses. They have no money and all you need to do is to contribute as little as $5,000 to as much as $500,000. The citizens of Caucasia are not into big businesses that require the millions from venture capitalist. They merely need you or people that you know to pump in a bit of money to help them get things going and they will provide you with their personal guarentee that you'll double your money within six months. What could be more reasonable?

The citizens of Caucasia are wonderful people. Your intelligence and expertise are not required - they'll let you know that what you know or have experienced is outdated in the futuristic world that they're about to offer the world. As one of them often says, "I don't want SMART money, Mate, I'm looking for DUMB money." You just need to give them the money and you can be assured that you'll be rich within no time and they'll look after you.

However, you should never ask a citizen of Caucasia to show you a website or business premise, let alone to look at the books. Never ever question their integrity by thinking that the money you pass onto them is supposed to fund new opperations and not their living expenses and you'll be told, "That's NOT how it works - You just BUY shares." 

Caucasia is a nice place and its citizens are well meaning. Without their desire to make you rich, your money will languish in bank accounts under your name or in investments that you know about. What more could you ask for?

I remember a negative Chinaman in a low or no rent office in China town who had the audacity to suggest that what the citizen of Caucasia was doing was not workable. The citzen was most upset. Citizens are particularly sensetive to being questioned by Asians and non-Whites and when they don't get their way, will resort to attacking the competance of the local, citing how much better things are in whereever the citizen comes from. "Perhaps you're not familiar with can be done in America/Australia/UK," is the usual line of defence. Of course, if you have to audacity to suggest that they can look for someone in whatever country they've suggested, they'll never forgive you for doubting them. The Citizen who was crossed by the negative Chinaman has decided that the Chinaman did not do a good job in saving one of his fellow citizens from bankruptcy and has been unafraid to express his opinions about it to the world. 

Caucasia is a wonderful place of well meaning people who just want to take your money and do things with it that you never dreamt of. They sincerely want you to be rich and believe that your keeping your own money will be bad for your financial health. We the Non Citizens of Caucasia should be greatful that the financial crisis in the West will create a rush of people emigrating to Caucasia - I mean what else would non White Citizens do with their money - Keep it? 

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