Sunday, March 15, 2009

I'm just a Pleb and I DON'T know Anyone

I remember asking Tunku Muin (Royal Family of Keddah and friend of Vinod)  where he stood on Malaysia's social scale if Vinod was a Datuk. He smiled and told me,"I'm just a PLEB." A few years of being in PR, I've come to remember this line. I am just a PLEB. Yes, let's make it clear, I am the perpetual underachiever, a man who could have been so much but in reality is just a nobody who is unknown, insignificant and so on.

I've come to realise, though I've done so rather late in life, that being unaccomplished and an unsung hero of nothing has plenty of benefits. For one, an non-achiever can only achieve. Everyone knows you're no good and so when you do something that touches them, they'll feel that you're good. However, if you're known as a superstar, you constantly need to deliver beyond expectations. Today's surprise becomes tomorrow's expecation and stars need to create and set new expectations for their over growing number of fans. Look at the Singapore Government. They've given us clean drinking water, decent housing and so on - but are we greatful - na, that was yesterday's surprise, today its the least they can do for us.

However, there is a more important reason for being a Pleb that nobody knows. When you are a pleb, you actually meet people rather than plastic cut outs of yesterday's Barbie Doll rejects who are desparate to try and improve their image in the world by tagging onto to you but feel obliged to use their skin colour or lack of it as a point of negotiation with you. Usual line is,"Yeah, American's feel reassured just to hear a Western voice," - erm, what's so Western about you - you're trying to eek your living here. 

Non Pleb's have incredible credentials and have an exceedingly fat rollodex. Plebs on the other hand don't have anything to shout about and so, they continue to get on in their little hovel and do things like work rather than talk. 

For me, my weekend was disgustingly bad. I had the best known reject from the Barbie Doll shop offer me her credibility with the Western World in Asia and then I had my favourite 43-year old single mother and wanna be damsel in distress get involve in a scuffle with an exquisite spa that involved getting the police. What was her beef? She was most offended that the spa manager wouldn't let me sit in the same room with her when she was getting the facial. Although I had no problem waiting in the waiting room (which was quite swish), she suddenly felt the spa was getting rude to her. 

Fuck Me, I mean I cringed when the opperations manager of the spa described me as her "Boyfriend." I know I attract loonies but this was really out of wack. The cops were really nice guys and tried to get things settled in a peaceful manner. It took a "final warning" from the cops for her to see some sense. 

Seriously, I know allot of Singaporeans find my comments very offensive and perhaps its me and my experiences, but I've never had the problems I have with anyone else than I do with supposedly educated Singaporean women. 

I lived in Soho, an area of London known for its prostitutes, drug dealers and pimps. In that time, I used to spend nights out drunk and in the company of such disireables. Yet, and yet, I was never assaulted. Then I came home to Singapore, the land of law, order and Asian values. I got married and spent the next two-years of my life on the recieving end of the first of a Gremlin on Speed.

Then I start dating a Vietnamese Thug. My friends keep going on about how she's unsuitable and I should get a normal girl. My mother reminds me, "I don't want a Gangster in the Family." Yet, in spite of all that, this Thug has never put me in a situation where the police are required to ask for my personal particulars. 

Then I have one afternoon with a supposedly mature Singaporean Chinese girl and somehow, over the smallest of issues, I find myself having to speak to the police because....she felt she was insulted. My God, it was worse than watching the football boys rolling on the floor whenever they've been tapped.

The best part about this whole situation is the fact that she has utterly no idea of how much of a mess she's created. She's insisiting the cops could have "Forced" the spa to do more for her. 

Allot of people think I'm being unfair to Singapore Chinese girls from the Middle and Upper Middle Class. Allot of people will comment on how other Asian girls may be sweet but lack substance. My mother for one gets on my case when I get involved with a Mandarin Speaking girl - "darling how can you communicate, you don't have a language in common." 

Yet and yet, the "low-down" girls from the rest of Asia I have been entaggled with never give me the type of problems that the Singapore Chinese girls from the Middle Class seem to enjoy inflicting on me. Allot of people I know cannot stop talking about Han Li being this and that but in the two-years we were involved intensly, I've never had to give the police my particulars. Within five dates with Agness, I find myself having to give the police my particulars. 

Seriously, I want to know why nobody actually writes in point out why Singaporean men are falling into the "Clutches" of women from China and Vietnam. So what if the majority come to work as prostitutes - at least they live in the real world. I mean, would you rather spend time with someone who lives on planet earth or someone who lives in Whinney I'm Perfect Land?

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