Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Size of My Xx - Miniscule, you'd need a microscope to find it

Had another restless bout of insomnia and decided to check the email and low and behold what did I see but more spam telling me how my little ding dong could be increased with the help of more pills, which under normal circumstances would require a medical prescription but thanks to the generosity of the internet do not. 

Well, spam is spam and I suppose one merely needs to hit the delete button. Spam, as I've been known to remark is the most obvious form of direct market. Like the Nigerian letter scams, we're blessed with spam because it's highly lucrative. It cost nearly nothing to send out a mass mail and obviously someone does buy the products that the spammers are sending out.

The most usual form of spam is of course the "Dick Enhancer." Everyone wants to sell you a form of prick enhancement. The male ego, as they say hangs nicely between the legs and as the PGFNB reminded me today, the head between the legs is particularly powerful when it comes to making male decisions. 

She's right. I know plenty of my male friends who take pride in their trouser snake. Hang out with Bijay for ten minuites and before you know it, he will have told you that he's hung like a donkey and his ability to "PUSH and PUSH," has granted more orgasms to the female population of Amazonia than the Great Shoe Sale. 

Those in the business of making spam know this and cannot help but send out the gazillion emails that they do. My good friend is not the only man on the planet who's self-esteem is based between his legs. The Return on Investment (ROI) for direct marketing is around 2 percent and when you're sending out a gazillion emails at no cost that two percent is going to be a large and very lucrative market. A one in a million is all you need in this game - one Bijay like fellow who's girl decided that the cucumber was a better cuddle toy that evening. 

Well, here's a message to the guys sending out spam - I've decided to come out in the open and announce that I am as well hung as an ant. Yes, I am a pee wee and proud of it. I don't require pills and if I did I might be more inclined to entertain a Chinaman with a bag walking down the streets of Geylang. They're pillls, which are usually illegal (for good reasons) will probably help me to die happy.

Being as well hung as an ant has its advantages just like being a pleb. It ensures that you avoid the attention of slightly insane groopies who have developed an overnight attraction to you because they're desparate to try and get your imagined glory to rub off onto them. Women are forever curious to see how strong the head between your legs are. A good friend of mine describes how one tried to appeal for a discount by appealing to him in that department. 

Imagine this. If you are known to a be pee wee, nobody will try and appeal to your baser instincts when it comes to doing the things in life that you should do sensibly. Hence, just as I am proud to be a PLEB, I am now proudly announcing to the world that I'm a pee wee - girls, you've been warned, I make a terrible lover 

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