Thursday, April 28, 2011

I am Fat and Bald - I have an Agenda - the Fat and Bald Agenda

The issue of agendas is back on the backburner again. A Minister has now accused one of the more prominent candidates from the opposition of supporting the "Gay Agenda" and the usual flurry of "He must be gay" and the Minister is a "Homophobe" postings are burning away quite furiously in the online world.

Anyway, since there is a "Gay Agenda" I better make sure that my agenda does not get overshadowed by the Nancy Boys. I declare that I am Fat and Bald and I have every intention of making sure that the Fat and Bald agenda is well publicised and given a sympathetic hearing in this agenda. While I'm at it, I am also going to promote the "Short" agenda since some of my best friends are also very short.

In short (forgive the pun) I intend to promote what you can technically call the SFB agenda. We the members of the SFB group want our rights heard and we will stand by our principles until someone in government listens to us.

If you look at things on a National Level - we, the SFB's have done far more for the Nation than say the GLBTs or the Gen Xers. Where would Singapore be without the likes of Dr Goh Keng Swee who was Short, Bald and towards the end of his life - Fat.

When you look at the contributions of the SFB community to Singapore, you have to ask yourself, why the hell aren't we doing more to protect and promote the rights of Short, Fat and Bald people? We should be handsomely rewarded!

For a start, let's abolish or at least place a limit on diet and hair restoring ads. I mean, if you want to try and be something your're not - be my guest. However, we, the SFBs get annoyed everytime we turn on the telly and we get bombarded by ads telling us that we're not going to get laid if we stop being S, F or B! Please, please don't try and tell me the sad fuck on TV who can't get a date because he's belt size is an inch above normal is how we should be. Why can't I be happy being S, F, B or combination of the rest.

Then, let's give credit to people who make it being who they are. There should be a SFB Award given to the short, fat or bald man who dates beautiful chicks and finds his own path to success. We'll be much happier for it if we became a nation of cheerful secure people instead of a nation of insecure freaks. One of the guys who should be given a massive reward is the man who broke the celibacy of the PGF - he was short, fat and bald but somehow he managed to go to places where two Sultans, three Datuks and an Edison Chen look alike could not go to. - Way to go to the SFB.

I also promose that SFB children be given a special grant in school. As long as they study hard and grow to be self-confident adults who will do their darndest to run for political office when they are much older and therefore contribute the the benefit of society instead of whinning about how awful they look - get a life!

I hope to see that the politicians will fight to promote and protect the rights of the SFB community and rest assured the fight for our rights won't end on polling day - it will continue right to the end when we're all being cuddled in the bossom of a buxome blonde.


Lila said...

There has never been an impediment to short, fat and bald men enjoying the bossom (sic) of a buxome (sic) blonde - as long as the man in question is rich. They can even be ugly on top of being short, fat and bald.

After all, it is a pure business transaction isn't it?

Tang Li said...

Lila - one can only live in hope. Alas I have no money to make up for being fat and bald .... then again, a few people might point out to me that I good portion of what I had went towards making me fat and bald in the first place ;)